Everything i do is a mistake to them...

That picture i took... On my dad's birthday... Its a fake smile... A smile forced out of me by that family... That family... That only think me as a trash of the society... That family... That i...

When i was in school, My mom sent me a message. It was my dads birthday. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do something for them. After school, with the leftover money i have. I went to One Utama together with Matthew. And i was suppose to buy a gift with my remaining Rm10. We began looking around. But couldnt think what to buy. He suggested, "Underwears? Tie? Belt? But those are so off budget. I ended giving up, but then. It suddenly came to me... A birthday cake.

I took the bus home, and decided to buy the cake in a bakery near my house. And borrowed Rm10 from Matthew just in case. I went down the bus and we say good bye. As i walked towards 'Bread Story', the sky began to turn gray. I feared it would rain, and fasten my pace. When i reached there, i found several cakes that was attractive. But, not one of it was cheaper than RM22. And i was only left with RM19, i asked if they could sell it to me for RM19, but they are just employees.

I went home, on my way home, it began to rain, and i was left with no choice but to walk in the ran. By the time i reached home, i was soaked to my insides. No one was home. I went to bath and waited for the rain to stop. It didnt stop. So was i gonna stop here? Am i gonna be empty handed again this year? I went out of my house, took my bike, and cycled in the rain. Towards the bakery. Soaking wet once again, i entered the air conditioned bakery. Picking the same cake again. The same cashier from before looked at me, pitiful. And told me if this was to happen she would borrowed me 2 bucks. I told her whats done is done... And when i came out, the sky was still dark, but the rain had stopped. It was like the god wanted me to get wet on purpose.

I went home, place the cake into the fridge, and went to bath again. I could feel the cold that i already caught. I went to my desk and study again. By 6, my mom was back. All of the sudden, she came into my room and started shouting at me. saying "Why didnt you go to school today!?" And it was obvious i did. She began saying that that bitchy teacher Pn Lim Sze Lai told her i was not in school, when i dont even have a FUCKING PERIOD with her. I stayed quiet, i didnt want to fight. She went out of my room, but continued to shout at me from outside. I couldnt take it anymore and shouted back at her. This made her quiet, but also made me really mentally unstable. My heart began beating fast. I couldnt study anymore. I went to lay on my bed. And fell asleep.

Not more than 10 min, Hong woke me up. Asking me to follow him out. I told him to cut the cake with my dad. By that time, i didnt had the mood the even looked at it anymore. Afterall the things i did, i was scolded by my mom because of some bitch that told her i wasnt around. My mood is spoiled, i didnt want to do anything anymore. Hong called me again and asked me to serve the cake. I got up in a fury, and went downstairs. Ignoring the sight of my mom, i took the cake out of the fridge and went to the dining table, opening it, and placing the candles. After it was ready, i went upstairs again, laying on my bed. A while later, Hong called me for the third time, say it was time to cut the cake. I didnt want to at first, but i did.

The cake was lit up, the song was sang. It reminded me of something. That they never celebrated my birthday before. So why do i put so much effort in doing this? To just get scolded, and catching a fever and cold? Moreover, no one asked about the cake. And just cut it. Who would have guessed i was the one who bought it? Han has a car, hong has a car. Anyone of them could have bought it. But not me. I know my parents will be presuming hong or han was the one who bought it. And not me, not once. Never.

So im sitting here again, asking why did i do it? Its a question i couldnt answer. Am i retarded? A so hai?? Dont i have nothing better to do?? Whats my problem?? Whats the point in living anymore. There is nothing left. Nothing. Please... Message me something... I really need it now...