What Have I Been Thinking!!!

What have i been doing? Acting like a F***ing loser. Whats done is done, Why dwell in the past? "Drop The Past, Grasp The Future" A Phrase made by me this year. What happened to it? What happened to that spirit?

I have proven to the school that i Done this Drama, Everyone used to say im just a brat who write novels. For some time now, i wanted to show them, prove to them i was better than them. And i have done it, by showing them i could produce a drama in such a short period of time.

They were all shocked, that 5 Ramin won the competition ...I was also shocked ...And i was really proud of my class. Without their cooperation, i would never have done it, thank you 5 Ramin~

This time, to prove to them again that im an artistic minded person(Those who can really do maths are called Mathematical minded person, Those who draw well, imagine well and think well is called a mathematical minded person. [My own principle that i made] ...If its a person that has good math and art.................. uh........) I am gonna participate in yet another competition, A movie making competition. The details will be written in this blog soon(...Not so soon).

...Just because i couldnt talk to her, just because i couldnt face her... i close my mind and spoil my emotion ...Or is it because im too tired...... Not realising im not the only one... i just realised... You cant wait for things to come, You have to search for it, And never to let it go. During the school holidays, ill try to go her house as often as i can, and live my life, to my very fullest.

Arigato Ne-San... Daisuki Desu... Totemo Daisuki Desu...

...I dont know anymore ...how do i proceed ...I dont know anymore ...All i can do is scream ...Make a joke unwillingly ...Talk to someone when i can ...Do the homework i have ...Punch my hand on the wall until it bleeds ...say hi to anyone i see ...Cook something new ...Stare at the wall ...Regretting the past ...Forcing myself to be myself when im already myself ...Laying on the bed, smacking the bed ...praying to god for my loved ones safety and health ...watering my Basil and Parsley ...feeding my fish ...drinking beer ...closing my eyes, and falling asleep on my office chair...

...Unbelievable

...I thought its over ...I thought it was impossible to win ...and i made a miracle... After thinking my career as a script writer was gone...

I, like usual was the first who enters the class. I place my bag on my table, and lay on it... closing my eyes... Thinking how screwed up my drama would get.. I soon felt asleep... I had a wierd dream...... That i couldnt recall... When i woke up... I was surprised...... They were all practicing... I put on my specs, and watch them rehearse. Each of them done their part... And i was glad. Soon, the bell rang, we head down to the hall, And was expecting to meet other classes. We were the first to arrive, We faced each other and i told everyone

Rei: "look... forget about yesterday... ...From the very beginning, we did not have enough time. But, all we need to is beat Nemesu! Penaga is surely out, They dont even have a script. So... Its "Now Or Never" !!! Lets do this Ramin!!!"
5 Ramin: "Yeah!!!"

I went ahead and test my music, it was fine. And i kept the cd in my bag. The first one acting was 5 Nemesu... I watched it nervously, mumbing to myself words like. "Will it be better than my drama..." "They are a better class than me... Of course They will win my script..."

It soon began... .....................Oh My God ............................Its LAME man!!! What the hell!!! So boring!!! Nothing funny at all!!! Is this what they have to offer!? ...Okay, the ending was a little funny ...but ...just a little... Soon... It was my turn... our turn...

I went backstage for some final opinions, and with one last "good luck" i went into the music room, and begin the music.

It soon ended............................................ With positive results~!!! Everyone in the hall laughed!!! Even the judges!!! My music fitted the scenes perfectly!!! And their acting was really kinda good!!! I was satisfied...... Really satisfied...

It was soon Penaga's turn... I watch them below the stage, having high hopes towards my drama. as expected............ Their drama was broken... Its just simply about a good boy with his friends that take drugs(the most common story). They went into a night club and was caught, because of the good boy. The good boy then freed them(didnt know how they did it) And the boy lectured them........................... BORING!!! We are winning~!!!

We went back to class, and took some photos. I was not among them though... Im just the director... I went back to my table and lay on the table... People began talking if our drama would win. The only flaw in my drama was it was too long(over the 12min timelimit). But some students kept saying that Nemesu was going to win. It really made me sad, the way they said it... Until i felt i was going to cry...

During rehat... I walk to the basketball court like usual... But instead of sitting down... i slept on the seat... closing my eyes... looking at the blue clouds... Thinking... Why did i put so much effort in it for... Not a single person thanked me for completing the script for them... I shut my feelings and tried to sleep... My act-mature friend came to me... hitting my shoulder, calling me up... I asked him to go away... He refused... And i finally asked him to F-Off............... Gomen... He then walk away... I close my eyes again......

Rehat was over... I went back to my class... She was not in the canteen today... Wanted to talk to her today but......... I met my friend from my class(not acting). He........... was the first one who said "good job man" to me... It boosted my spirit a bit... But still.. It wasnt enough......

Time passed by... It soon was English... She asked the one who acted in the drama to stand up... I didnt... I dont know why... I felt that i wasnt in the drama... Although i was the one who wrote it... I continued with my homework... ignoring what was happening...

While she was teaching, news came in... It looks like my class won............. We won....? .............WE WON!!! ...The actors got up from their seat, dancing around... I sat on my seat... Continuing my work... Suddenly.

Pn Tan: "Everyone, please say thank you to our drama script writer, Peng Shian."

I was surprised, Or i think shocked. I faced the class that was facing me.

5 Ramin: "Thank you, Peng Shian~!!!"

I felt that tears fell of my cheek... I got up from my seat... Bowing towards my class... Saying

Rei: "THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"

They all clapped, as i lift my head up again. I never felt that happy in my life before... It was the first time that the whole class were facing me... clapping their hands... That feeling... I will never forget it... It was nothing that i felt before... Glory... Respect... Honor... It was all there...

Pn Tan: "Peng Shian, You really have the potencial to become a script writer(Movie Director). Will you be doing that"

Rei: ...Im not sure ...i have always planned To become a chef..."

Pn Tan: "The judges told me your story was touching although the act was kinda out. They never read such a story before, it was great."

Rei: "Thank You teacher!!!"

And... That is what happen, during my short journey as a Drama script writer... ...I hope i will have another chance to do this drama again... And if i do have a second time... Ill make it perfect!!! ...Lastly ...Arigato Ne-san ...If it wasnt for you... I dont think i could even have finished this script... Arigato... Hontoni Arigato...

The truth is more obvious then it seems...

Reality is not what you really think it is. Its like a game of yes and no, but it isnt as simple as saying yes or no. If you say yes, good things may happen. But at the same time, bad things may also happen. Same goes in saying No, whichever, it is the same thing. It only depends on how you react against it. Think its too hard to understand? then stop reading... It may break your brain... Although human has made many theories to life... God created us... The first human on earth was Adam and.......... Oops... Or its we are just a couple of apes that evolved(That has the best theory) It all comes back to earth. How long more can we live on earth? Will Human leave earth someday? How big is the universe? And the most curios question i wanna know, Is. Is there another universe beside's ours. here's the theory i made. The hidden world, Another world that exists right next to our world, but it can't be seen or feltits akin to a warped extra dimension For example, energy due to gravity is said to transcend through dimensions. Bu- ......Ill stop here for now... continue another day...

Screw That Drama, Hello to Novel~

Bah... Just forget about that drama... I got bigger plans now~ Using the story in my script and making a mini novel~ Ill write down the full script, and maybe one day, someone will use it~

The script i made for my class is too messed up, With really big spoiling changes(Thanks to my class). The Script that i perfectly made has been poluted by my friends that were too chicken, too fussy, and too gay. So... With the Help and comfort from my Ne-San, I decided to create a short story, specially for her and for those who did not watch that(Cheap) drama.

Ill Begin writing it after i have a good rest, and after writing a bit of my other novels.

When your sad... Im sad...

I never believed... That there was such thing as connected hearts... But not anymore... The more of my cared ones feel sad... The more sad i get... I may be a happy go lucky person in school... But at home...

Why isnt there eternal friendship in this world... Im the type that needs to tell somone how i feel... But others may be different... creating a gap between us...

I became a much cheerful person between my classmates... But among the ones i love... I cant get even closer... Is it because im younger than them... Is it because im still cant be trusted... I dont know... I really dont know... Thinking about it makes me wanna cry... But i cant cry...

I try to be as calm as i can outside... But when it comes inside... I know Im but a useless bump that only like people to care for me... And i admit it... Its the truth... I cant do things properly anymore... I cant think straight anymore... I cant...... I just cant...

Friends Reunited

Favourite Song: 町, 時の流れ, 人

Mood: Glad

I thought it would never happened... I never knew it came true... After a year apart... We were finally back together... My friend since form 2, Matthew. He was the brave type, always dares to take challenges. During the end of form 3, we had a ridiculous fight. And ended up hating each other... I met him agian last Sunday... In a CC... We had a conversation, and played some games together... And i left... Monday... While taking my bus home... he took a bus home too... We had a conversation again. And i invited him to swim with me. He accepted it... We had fun swimming... Now when i think back... I kept thinking how stupid i am... to lost him because of such a small argument... i hope our friendship will last... forever...

Valentines Day...

Favourite Song: "町, 時の流れ, 人 / Love story"

Mood: Surprisingly Great~

I ended up not writing in my blog yesterday because of my bloody script, but i have nothing to write about yesterday too though......

Saturday schools...... I wonder should i say its fun or boring. The fun thing is, you can bring your phone, change your places, fool around, and go home early... But the most annoying thing is waking up in the morning... But, thats all. Im trying to never not come to school for this whole semester. I wonder if i can do it...

During my PJK peroid, the teacher held a "Joggat(A kind of training to test your bodies stamina)" Exercise for all of us. I already done it yesterday( Made my whole body pain..) And i was given the permission to rehearse the drama in the hall. almost half of the cast were missing, so i only roughly practice the script.

It all went...... Smoothly... But, lots of shouting, explanation and lecturing were required. And the casts emotions wasnt what i was expecting. So beginning Monday, ill Fully brief their Emotions to really make this drama go right.

After school... I was asked to stay back for Rehearsal in my classroom. Why not, im gonna be sitting the bus back anyway, no rush. But... My phone soon rang, i pick it up... It was my sis... She was outside my school... And wanted to fetch me home.. i panicked, and try to plan ahead for the others that are around.

I left my classroom, running all the way the the backdoor of my school... I never knew i could do that...... seriously... I can only run from the canteen to block A last time, and ill be so damn tired. but now...... I ran from block F to the back of the hall...... Wow... I look around for a while and found the car...... My bro was also inside... I was tricked...

We went to pick up my other sister, and went for lunch. After lunch, i went back home and quickly bathed. Soon i went out again, Heading towards my sisters house... I was pretty blur at first... but i soon know what was going on...

I enter my sisters home... Looking worried... I the greeted her family... sitting on the sofa... I look aver at her from time to time... Worried... I didnt know what can i do... The only thing i could do was sit and wait...... I want to do something... But, i dont know what... Without me realising...... I soon fell asleep...

When i woke up... She was pulling my hair...... I was kinda blur as i face her... She then apologize to me... I accepted it blurly... She went and take her bath... I enter her room... staring at her com... She soon came back... And we went to pick up my sister and head to 1U.

.........My plans were shattered by todays school... i walk around 1U, trying not to think about it... But...... Like a dream... She called my name... I was shocked when i see her...... The first thing that came in my mind was walking towards her and to give her a hug... And so i did... I immediatey felt the warmth... I Still dont know what warmth is that, but one thing i know is, its real.

This could be called one my best day of my whole life, the best valentine ever... i will never forget this day... It showed my how stupid i was, acting emo all the time years ago. I swore to myself ill change. And i Shall!!!

Too Young, Too little time

Favourite Song: 町, 時の流れ, 人
Mood: Better, but still bad.





Nothing much today...... but... At least todays not bad... The whole class is flooding me with questions about the drama. And the only thing i could do was say


Rei: "No comment"


They continued to bug me, and i soon lost my touch.


Rei: "Argh!!! Just wait for tomorrow dammit!!!"

......After that, they finally kept quiet... Only the people who voluntered to be cast's ask about their roles. I hate thursdays...... 1 period maths... 2 period perdagangan... 2 period BM... Its crazy... I gone hyper during rehat and ran towards the basketball court(dispite my leg been a little sting). My Act-Mature friend, Yee Yang was already there, Waiting for me. He thinks he is so mature, but the truth is, he is such a baby, not accepting love, hating his life, and most of all, Thinking himself as a character in some sort of novel he created. What a NO LIFE!!!. His favourite phrase is...


Kosuke(Yee Yang): "This world needs a dragon..."


......Whatever that means, i think he has mental problems...... Another of his famous phrase...


Kosuke: "Ill stay beside Hime(Princess), i wont go for any other girls..."


...It sounded touching at first... but i soon found out, this so called Hime was already dead(Yup, DEAD!!! SHIME!!! R.I.P) ...I suspect he was mentallly ill, but dispite these appearance, he is pretty normal... Is he trying to tell people he wanted to be single...... Forever...?


I cant wait to reach home today, i run instead of walking back home today. i soon reach my house, and ran into my room. Today is the day where i Rip my Exia(From Gundam 00) to pieces~

Before

This is my first exia~ Proud of it... The most cool among all the gundam 00 series..... but Virtue also not bad......

Gundam Virtue

And so... I began ripping my Exia... Rip... Rip... Rip... And the results is........





cool?? or sucks...... i dunno... but in my opinion, its so cool~!!! and im the one who edit it myself~
and i couldnt get enough of it, so i really rip it this time
You should see it for yourself man~





this time...


This time i really rip the head... i feel kinda worried at first..... but in the end... it turned out well~

...Sigh ...homework homework homework...... i guess ill start doing liao...

Someone... Anyone...

Favourite Song today: 町, 時の流れ, 人

Mood: F-up day

I planned to go home after school and have a nap before i study... and ride the bus... and fell asleep... when i woke up, the bus stopped in front of the T-junction before reaching my house. the ticket usher asked me.

Ticket Usher ''mana you henti?''

Rei: ''...petronas''

she gave me back 1 buck, and

Ticket Usher: ''you tunggu satu lagi bus, kita nak pusing ke tropicana''

Rei: ''......''

i got down the bus... the bus drove away and turn towards tropicana... i stare at it for a while, and soon began walking again.

i crossed the T-junction, an asshole horn me for nothing. I point my finger towards him, and continued walking. i walk along the 10 minutes long road, and my way... a row of cars waited for the traffic to turn green. one of the vehicles...... was a police truck, and a police car... I fasten my steps, try to walk pass them...... When...

Police: ''Leng Zai''

Rei: ''!!??''

i face the police men, a little starled... Is he gonna catch me? Or Rasuah me? I told myself... And then..

Police: ''Gong Xi Fa Chai''

Rei: "......Apa??''

Police: "Gong Xi Fa Chai!''

Rei: ''......O-Oh ...Gong Xi Fa Chai...''

The light turned green, and the police truck and car drove off...... ZA DAO!!! Chinese New Year already pass liao la!!! i told myself... I continued walking down the road...

Just when i was about to reach Petronas,

*BEEP!!!*

i look towards my left... It was Bad Spy Han...

Han: ''Come in the car''

Rei: ''...for what''

Han: ''wan kidnap you''

Rei: ''.............''

Han: "just come in la''

Rei: "go where...''

Han "just come in!!!''

Rei: "......''

I finally entered the car, and he drove off.

Rei: "I wan sleep la!!!"

Han: "can you leave the house till 6pm?''

Rei: ".........''

Han: "Please, i need use the house''

Rei: "...For what''

Han: "Novis(his girl friend) coming la"

Rei: "...and ......so?"

Han: "i want to be alone with her la"

Rei: "what does that have to do with me..."

Han: "because its my house"

WHAT THE F***!!! i said in my mind, what does he mean by HIS house!!!

Rei: "Your house my foot''

Han: "please la, just today only"

Rei: "......"

We soon arrive at our location, the Kota Damansara Giant... We found a place to park, and got down the car. I walk ahead of me... He walk towards me and say

Han: "Hey, Can i hold your hand?"

Rei: "..................."

I turn around and face him... I was about to talk and didnt realise the stairs. i tripped and *crack* .......Ouch ...it wasnt the first time i twisted my leg but...... It still hurt... He walk towards me and gave me a hand.

Han: ''you oka-''

I slapped his hand away, glaring at him... I wanted to shout at him........ but i finally didnt...

Rei: ''...im okay''

i got up from the floor, resisting the pain...

Han: ''.....okay''

I leampt towards the entrance... he followed me from behind...

We bought all our stuff... And we headed the back to the car... We enter the car, he place his stuff behind. Facing me.

Han: "Is your leg okay?"

Rei: ''......"

I did not reply... but it was hurting badly... but not as bad as just now...

Han: "...so, drop you at 1U ar?''

Rei: "!?"

I glare at him again... But this time...... i shouted...

Rei: "MY LEG LIKE THIS YOU STILL WANT ME TO GO!!?"

Han: "sorry! its a very important day!!! please?''

I kept my feelings to myself, forcing the car door open.

Rei: "ILL GO MYSELF!!!"

I slam the door shut, and began to walk(leampt) towards the main road. He drove pass me without even looking at me... I clench my fist... and continued walking down the long road...

I managed to arrive at cineleisure... i walk towards the coffee shop, sitting on the chair...

waiter: "may i take your order?"

Rei: "...Coffee''

he walked away, some people were staring at me... I took out my drama script, and began examining it. My coffee soon came, i took a sip from it, and continued to look.

30 minutes has passed, ive finished my coffee. i kept my stuff and got up from my seat. at least it doesnt hurt that bad anymore. i paid my bil, and began to visit my favourite shops in cineleisure.

I arrive home at 6pm, on my way back, near petronas, my mom saw me. she stopped her car and honk at me, calling me to come over.

i enter the car, and the first thing she said was

Mom: "WHERE DID YOU GO!!! I TOLD YOU YOU CANT GO OUT DURING

WEEKENDS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! *blah blah blah*

i did not listen what she was saying, all i think was having a good nap, so that i can do my homework. And so i did. I woke up at 9.30pm, and began my homework. Han came in my room, i ignored him. And he left the room without another call.

I dont want to think anymore... all i want now is for tomorrow... hoping for a better tomorrow... hoping for someone who i can talk to... ill wait for that day to come...

Another Day In School...

My Favourite song today... "町, 時の流れ, 人(Clannad OST)
Mood: Bad

...When i came to school, the first thing that my classmate asked me was.

Student A: ''Did you finish the script?''

Rei: ''well... yeah...''

Student A: ''great, can i read it?''

Rei: ''sure...''

i took it out and show it to him...

Student A ''wow, not bad. as expected from a novelist.''

Rei: ''A... thanks...''

Student A: ''But isnt it too short?''

Rei: ''its just a conclusion, what do you expect.''

Student A: ''Oh... Well good luck''

He pass it back to me. I took it back, looking at it. I walk towards my seat and sat on it...

Rei:''......Tired''

I lay on my desk, immediately falling asleep... 20min later, P&P began, i got up lazily and walk out of my classroom.

Student B: ''Peng S****, you finish the script?''

Rei: ''Yeah...''

Student B: "Can i read?''

Rei: "Later..."

I enter my class, passing the script(Conclusion) to him.

Student B: ''Hm? not bad... Remember ar, i wanna be the drug addict.''

Rei: ''......What?''

He gave me the script, walking away. I stare at the script again, and began feeling sleepy again... Only got 3 hours of sleep last night......

After school... I went to wait for the bus like usual... I stare at my bag, looking at how nice it is~ without me realising, the bus arrive. The guy beside me stood up, i scrambled and took my stuff, running towards the metrobus.

I reached home... Han was on the com again... i went in my room and start my homework...... bath first la of course... no appetite to eat dunno why... drink green tea only... then Han came into my room and ask me again...

Han The Spy: "Wan go 1U?''

Rei: "NOOOOOO!!!''

Han The Stalker: "......"

He close my room door, and i continue with my homework... A minute later...

Han The Imposter: ''Really duwan go?''

I got up of my chair, glaring at him. He close the door, i sat again... i dont know hw many hours has passed... but the sun began to set... i walk towards my bed and took a nap... thinking... my mood today hasnt changed since a few days ago... I still feel im useless... not capable on doing anything...

when i got up...... I finally knew the reason why we were so distant... It was because... I never really knew her... No matter how i twist and turn... It still turns back to the same person... Hong... If it wasnt for hong... I would have never met her... If it wasnt for Hong... I would have never knew Ming Yen and Lydia... It was a fact that i couldnt accept... it was a fact...... that Hong is better than me...

Too Much Work To Even Begin With...

I actually planned to begin my blog a few days before... But homework has been building a blockage, consuming my time. i was doing my homework last night and before i realised it, it was already 5am... and my mountain was only half done....... i put it to rest and went to bed... thinking of what han told me yesterday... but i placed it to rest, and finally fell asleep...

The next morning, i woke up at 9am to follow my mom to the market... as boring as ever... but it is the only time where we can go out together, and i tried to fullfill her needs as much as i can.

In the afternoon, i had to go to 1U with my friend to pick his present, and for other reasons. I fell asleep on the bus, luckily he was there to wake me up. I had a few things on my buying list, and was hoping to fullfill it. soon enough, i found my first item on my list, a baking tray.

Next, pilot refill. it wasnt easy to find what i wanted, there were just too many. but soon, i picked a few and went ahead to the counter...... On my way there... There it was... An office bag......... I always wanted one, and bloody hell! it was only RM25!!! without thinking, i picked it up and examined it. It was fabulous~ (singing ''Fabulous'') fine design, many places to put stuff, and most of all, its cheap~ my friend also pick one(his wei chiang). and we walk to the cashier together.

It was soon my turn, i pass my stuff to the cashier. and he scanned the items. i began to chat about how cheap was the office bag. a while later, the cashier called for me ''Enam Puluh Enam Ringgit, Enam Puluh Lima sen'' ........I straight away

''WHAT!!?'' i look at the items again...
''tapi itu bag tulis 25 ringgit''

he pull out the tag and show me........... it was really RM55.........

''......boleh cancel tak?''
...he cancelled the stuff and i bring the stuff back to the office bag section.
''What The F***!? So expensive de!?''

wei chiang replied

''ya lo!!!''

we went over and check the bag price again......... it wrote there 25.........

''.......''
''..........''
...we pick it up again, and double check the price tag...
''okay?''
''Okay''

we went towards the cashier again, linning up again......(the line was pretty long) ...and soon, it was our turn... The guy scan the stuff again, with me staring at it. and this time, it was 25...... but...

''ada J-card tak?''
''ada''
''Boleh tengok coupon anda?''
''......coupon?''
''ya, hari ini J-card member boleh daat coupon 15%.''
''...........''
''...........''
''...boleh cancel tak...?''

We search for THAT counter for a while and soon found it...... at the place where you register or renew your j-card... the line was.......... Loooooooong... but we still waited..... for the 15% discount!!!

after a while... it was finally our turn...... we sat on the chair and face the receptionist.

''kami nak dapat coupon discount itu?''
''oh? coupon discount 15%?''
''ya''
''kau harus pergi kaunter itu dan memberi j-card anda''
............she pointed behind us... ...we looked behind, and ther it was...... a small

counter with a lady sitting on a chair...

''....................''
''....................''
...i got up and walked off towards the SO CALLED counter.

''...di sinikah kau dapat coupon itu.....''
''ya''
''.........''
''j-card ada''
i pull out my j-card... tossing it at her... she took it and wrote down my membership number... she then pass me the coupon...
''thank you''
i took the coupon and walk toward the cashier again... and waited in the loooooong line again...

''j-card ada?''
''ya......''
''coupon ada?''
''ya......''
''duit ada?''
i stare at the guy... raising my money... he stare at me for a while, but finally took it... i took my stuff and the change and walk towards my next destination.

new bag......... i decided to buy a new bag, since hong STOLED mine... i went to a number of shops looking for a nice one... but all of them were like rubbish...
''ei, we go Padini for a while'' my friend ask
''......okay''
we then walk towards padini......... he went to do his stuff...... and in front of me....... was it..... a bag like none i have ever seen...(a ray of light shone down) ...i straight away shouted.
''THATS THE ONE!!"
......everyone was staring at me... ...i stare at them... they look away...... i face the bag again... picking it up...
''.....wow''
wei chiang walk towards me...
''...wats your problem''
''THIS IS IT!!! THIS IS THE BAG~!!!''
''SHH!!!''
......i went silent
''...okay, then buy it lo...''
and so i did...

...i miss her ...i miss her everyday... but... i dont know how to approach her... there is a wall between us... that i dont know how to cross... Is this the only thing i can do...? stand and wait...?