Everything i do is a mistake to them...

That picture i took... On my dad's birthday... Its a fake smile... A smile forced out of me by that family... That family... That only think me as a trash of the society... That family... That i...

When i was in school, My mom sent me a message. It was my dads birthday. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do something for them. After school, with the leftover money i have. I went to One Utama together with Matthew. And i was suppose to buy a gift with my remaining Rm10. We began looking around. But couldnt think what to buy. He suggested, "Underwears? Tie? Belt? But those are so off budget. I ended giving up, but then. It suddenly came to me... A birthday cake.

I took the bus home, and decided to buy the cake in a bakery near my house. And borrowed Rm10 from Matthew just in case. I went down the bus and we say good bye. As i walked towards 'Bread Story', the sky began to turn gray. I feared it would rain, and fasten my pace. When i reached there, i found several cakes that was attractive. But, not one of it was cheaper than RM22. And i was only left with RM19, i asked if they could sell it to me for RM19, but they are just employees.

I went home, on my way home, it began to rain, and i was left with no choice but to walk in the ran. By the time i reached home, i was soaked to my insides. No one was home. I went to bath and waited for the rain to stop. It didnt stop. So was i gonna stop here? Am i gonna be empty handed again this year? I went out of my house, took my bike, and cycled in the rain. Towards the bakery. Soaking wet once again, i entered the air conditioned bakery. Picking the same cake again. The same cashier from before looked at me, pitiful. And told me if this was to happen she would borrowed me 2 bucks. I told her whats done is done... And when i came out, the sky was still dark, but the rain had stopped. It was like the god wanted me to get wet on purpose.

I went home, place the cake into the fridge, and went to bath again. I could feel the cold that i already caught. I went to my desk and study again. By 6, my mom was back. All of the sudden, she came into my room and started shouting at me. saying "Why didnt you go to school today!?" And it was obvious i did. She began saying that that bitchy teacher Pn Lim Sze Lai told her i was not in school, when i dont even have a FUCKING PERIOD with her. I stayed quiet, i didnt want to fight. She went out of my room, but continued to shout at me from outside. I couldnt take it anymore and shouted back at her. This made her quiet, but also made me really mentally unstable. My heart began beating fast. I couldnt study anymore. I went to lay on my bed. And fell asleep.

Not more than 10 min, Hong woke me up. Asking me to follow him out. I told him to cut the cake with my dad. By that time, i didnt had the mood the even looked at it anymore. Afterall the things i did, i was scolded by my mom because of some bitch that told her i wasnt around. My mood is spoiled, i didnt want to do anything anymore. Hong called me again and asked me to serve the cake. I got up in a fury, and went downstairs. Ignoring the sight of my mom, i took the cake out of the fridge and went to the dining table, opening it, and placing the candles. After it was ready, i went upstairs again, laying on my bed. A while later, Hong called me for the third time, say it was time to cut the cake. I didnt want to at first, but i did.

The cake was lit up, the song was sang. It reminded me of something. That they never celebrated my birthday before. So why do i put so much effort in doing this? To just get scolded, and catching a fever and cold? Moreover, no one asked about the cake. And just cut it. Who would have guessed i was the one who bought it? Han has a car, hong has a car. Anyone of them could have bought it. But not me. I know my parents will be presuming hong or han was the one who bought it. And not me, not once. Never.

So im sitting here again, asking why did i do it? Its a question i couldnt answer. Am i retarded? A so hai?? Dont i have nothing better to do?? Whats my problem?? Whats the point in living anymore. There is nothing left. Nothing. Please... Message me something... I really need it now...

So thats what i am...

For several days now... I was talking to her on the phone... We also went out last Saturday... We also talked on Monday... And then on tuesday... She told me something that made me decide to make a move... And i did... And i never regret making that move...

Now... They are talking to each other... While i... Am sitting here... No one that thanked me... No one to talk to... Is this what i am...? ...Just a temporary person? Is that all i am worth for...?

...I guess i am ...For the thanks i get ...Was nothing ...Nothing at all ...Maybe she didnt know what i done ...Maybe she didnt know what i had done ...Or maybe ...I was thinking too much ...For someone to thank me ...Who wants to thank me ...And what for.

Yes... This is how it is... This is how it should be... To accept defeat... Is to accept the truth... And to be stupid enough to think i had a chance... ...Im such an asshole ...An idiot ...Immature ...Childish ...Short haired ...Useless

Should i... Or should i not go...

...This years ...My final year ...As a high schooler ...Prom ...Once in a life time. ...Should i go? ...Or should i wait for another year ...Its a hard decision ......AH MO!!! >-< ...What a pain in the ass ...Ill just see how things go ...I wont beg for money!!! Thats not something i would do......... Sometimes... =-=''

Its not about love anymore... Its about loneliness...

For several years... I have been sticking with the conclusion that those feelings were because of her... But now... I made another conclusion today... Its not about her... Its about why am i always alone... Why do people have someone to talk to when they need someone, while i dont... Why do i have no one to care for... Maybe thats the reason why i try to look after her... And not because i love her... But im not sure myself if thats the true reason... Only time will slowly make me realise even further...

The only conclusion i can make now is... Im lonely... Everytime when i see pictures of them together... I feel left out... At first i thought it was because i was jealous... That i wasnt with them... But now... Its just that... ......I dont know ...Maybe i feel left out ...Its not i dont have my friends... But the only thing they had done with me was Dota Dota Dota...

There isnt someone that i can talk to among them... That is why i seek them... But... Im after all just his brother... An Add-On to their group... Although they say thats not true... My inner self kept telling me so... They are always busy... With their things to handle... College... Studies... Assignments... I know its selfish of me to say so... But what else can i say...

I guess... Ill try to find someone else... But no matter how many i did find... I will never get closer... Then she is to me now... Miyuki...

Yuriko... Someone that i can ask questions... And also find when i needed someone... No matter how busy she is... She will still reply my message with a warm feeling...

I love them so much... But im smaller than them after all... How am i gonna take care of them...? ...The only thing i can do ...Is fullfil their request ...And try not to tell a lie

......Her ...I dont know anymore ...After many efforts of trying to place me in part of her life ...My efforts were all in waste ...Not a single thing i have done was mention about ...Whats the point of continuing ...Its already been almost 2 years ...How long would it take me .........To just place a little of me in her...

For almost 2 years... I thought i was in love... But now... I dont know anymore... Whats my real target in life... Just loneliness...?

Lol... What am i doing...

Lol... I say im remaking my blog right? ...Until now also havnt ...See when im free la

What ?Am I To You In Your Life?

All i ever think of is making someone happy without thinking about him/her feeling. Is what im doing now really making them feel im kind, or just annoying. After all my efforts, i just wanna know. Is my efforts really worth it? ...Im confused ...I know its selfish of me, but... ...Without an answer, I cant go on anymore... Please tell me what i really am...... Please...

Ha ha... Im just an annoying kid...

I wonder how long has it been...... 2 Years? ...3 Years? ...Since i met them ...All that i thought of is making them happy ...But have i ever thought ...Do they want me to make them happy? ...Is the way i am now really making them happy?

Miyuki One-San... I wonder do i annoy you... Afterall... Im just someone who suddenly came into your life... Wanting someone's attention... ...Although i call you One-San and you call me Otoko ...Do i really have the rights to be your Otoko...?

Yuriko One-San... ...So little time ...Ill continue after my exam...

How long has it been?

I know, I know... I havnt been writing for a looooooooooooong time... But my line is back... So i guess, ill start writing again tomorrow... Ja~ ...Oh ...Ill begin writing my newest novels too

...Uh ...Bo title for it yet...

An event that changed my life, an event I want no one to experience. Caused by my good for nothing will to impress a girl. I spent half of my 2007 in bed doing nothing, a year and a half to be exact. It changed my life… How? …Well …I love sleeping now, I love staring at the wall now, I lov-…… Ah, forget it… (You can ask me for the details if your curious, I would gladly tell it to you.)

The main reason im writing this now is because of a friend of mine. The reason i didn’t sport when I was form 4 is because I was not allowed to. I sat there like a tree for almost a whole year. But during my second semester, I asked myself. “Is this the life I want to live, forever?” With those words in my mind, I pushed myself. Into walking around my area at first, then to cycling, then till jogging, swimming, going to the gym, then I advance to basketball(Seriously sucked, at first.) ,running. And now, badminton(During 2009).
Is working out gonna make you charming? Is becoming an emo person making you charming? I thought that was the way at first, but I soon realized. I was an idiot for being an emo. It not only spoils my reputation, but also makes me look like a weirdo. It was a success, I may not be good in sports like basketball or football. But I soon realize I had more stamina then normal people’s would have. I could run without stopping for 3min, do push ups 50 times, lift 80kg stuff. But although I have achieve so many feats, until today im still wondering, why does my hand shake when I carry something? Is it because its heavy? Or is it my problem?

……Okay …Back to the friend of mine. I began playing football a few weeks ago. ( I was forced to join… Since no one was playing basketball anymore… Hey, I was a good keeper by the way.) I was assigned to be the keeper. ……Im becoming blacker as each day pass …………Anyway, after football, after recess, I return to class. He and his other friend was complaining about his ribs being not equal(Both sides of your ribs was suppose to be equal, but his has a bump on the right side…) He asked me for advise, I touched it for a while. And he made a conclusion that its just a bump when he was kicked and fell onto the floor. I accepted his conclusion and gone along with class.
On my way home, I thought about his incident again. I don’t know why it kept bugging me… Like it was so familiar… And so I remembered about my back, didn’t I also have unequal ribs? I thought of it for a while and decided to tell him about what I remembered next Monday.
The following Monday… I arrive in school, and like usual, sleep while waiting for the bell to ring. The prefect would be my alarm clock, that wake me up when the bell ring =p I joined my friends, letting out a loud yawn. I glance over to the front, where he stood, his face a little pale. It was Pn Tan period… (She has been treating me very very VERY cold lately… What did I do wrong… T^T) …I went back to my seat, and waited for the right time to speak to him.
I went towards his seat, and was about to tell him about it, when he suddenly complain about his back being really pain. …During that time …I was stunned …Speechless …I don’t know how to begin my sentence ……I didn’t want to jump into conclusions …So I just told him to see the doctor. He agreed, and told me he is seeing one tonight.
The next day, He told me the doctor say it was only a back ache. But I wasn’t convinced… I asked if he had ask the doctor about his ribs, he said the doctor just touched it, and assume its just a bump from falling that day. I asked him, what kind of doctor did he visited? …He told me …A clinic doctor ……Holy S**t …How the hell would the doctors in a clinic know about slip disc!?(Back problem) I advise him to see a specialist, but he said it was just a waste of money and time. I advise him again, but this time he shouted at me, telling me to shut up. In a rage, I shouted back “You don’t wanna listen!? Fine!!! You will see!!!” I stammered back to my seat, checking my homework.
Two days later, I overheard his conversation with his friend( Almost the whole class heard it) “Argh!!! My back pain ar!!!” I kept quiet, not wanting to say a thing.
A week later, he began becoming inactive. From a person that always walk around in class, he turn into a person that sat all day on his seat, laying on the table. As I suspected, it is like my case… I informed myself… But I didn’t say a thing, I wanted him to come to me, and ask me, to apologize, to beg me for advise~!!! ……..It was a wrong decision.
The following week, he missed class 2 to 3 times in a row. I couldn’t kept quiet anymore, but I didn’t want to sound worried to. So I asked him. “So, getting better?” He faced me, his face was worst then two weeks ago, like a living corpse. He spoke “…When I stand up …I feel like dieng …When I sleep …It is the only time my body feels comfortable” …I was shocked.
To be continue…

Clannad... This Is To You...

I have been watching Anime for the past 10 years, there are good one's, great one's, and lastly, One's That sucks. But i have never seen such an anime, It was the first anime who made me really cry. Its story line was so fabulous, That i was eager to use that story line as my own. It touches my heart from every aspect. Its ridiculously entertaining in every way. This is the anime that i will remember for life... Clannad...

The first few episodes may be pretty confusing. But as you slowly watch along, It slowly came clear. What was it all about, who is that girl, what will happen to them. I had never laughed so much from watching an anime. And never cried this hard, watching an anime.

Its a story about Okazaki Tomoya, that hate's going to school. He met this girl on his way to school, and soon became friends with her... The others... See for yourself...

When ''Clannad" has ended, it one again shocked me by announcing its prequel, "Clannad: After Story" i was shocked, but at the same time, excited. For such a great anime to have a prequel, Its a Miracle~!!! Something that no one would have predicted.

I will be back to finish this post...

Being a kid again...

I know... Im a brat playing at a playground... Childish... But i dont care~ ...Having fun like the old times ...But having difficulties to play like last time

...I know, im leng zai and yeng(Perasan!!! XD) ...But dont look at me!!! ...Look behind me ...That Kid ...What the H*** ...Didnt realize it until a while ago ......Lol ...How dangerous kids play these days, Can play until................... Ended up like tat... ......Omg ...Did she broke it? ...Is she tat heavy!? ...OMG!!! >-<

Well... The story began when we went swimming... The swimming pool was packed!!! ...So we decided to walk around first, and we ended up at a playground near the swimming pool. And began playing.

Although he doesnt admit... He really wants to play...

...Yeng, or not?

Ah... The sun...... What was i looking at...?

It reminded me of my childhood... ...Really ...When we used to go to the see-saw ...Swing ...But of course, I wont be going there everyday. Got better things to do! XD ...I hope you all wont think im........... Haha... ...I was just passing by ...Seriously O-O''

Spending time with my new little Gang... Part 2

After swimming... I was suppose to head to my teachers house, a few blocks away. But today was special... It was my other little gang's members birthday.(Mini Jay's group) I said bye to them, and went back home. Getting ready for the party. I took my bath, changed my clothes, and headed out of my house, waiting for the bus. On my way walking down the Hill, i got a call from Yat Fai.

Rei: "...Hello?"

Yat Fai: "Ei, im following Seng to the tuition, dont need wait for me."

Rei: "...Oh ...Okay"

I shut my phone, walking again. Yat Fai was suppose to follow me to 1U, Thats where my party is. but now his going to tuition with the others, so im alone.

I reach the bus stand, i look at the time for a while, and began looking at my surroundings ......They are there ...Opposite the road ...I thought they left liao ...zzz I stare at them, they stare at me... ...I sat on the floor, they sat on the floor. ...Soon, a message came, written. "See who bus come first" ......I stare at them, they stare at me ...Then i keep my phone, looking if there is a bus...

wait...

Wait...

...I won ......Bus came liao ...I wave my hand to them ...getting on the bus .........Dotz.

I arrive at 1U... i rush towards the new wing... towards the 3rd floor... towards GSC... towards the arcade... And finally... towards Neway... towards Room 44, and there he wa, the star of the day. Lim, the birthday boy.

Rei: "Brother~!!!"

I gave him a punch on the shoulder, entering the room. Many people were there, some i know, some i dont. Some were already singing some unfamiliar songs... I went towards Wei Chiang, that was singing, and sang with him.

It was rather enjoyable... hearing them sing... But the part i enjoyed the most is when i sang my song... My favourite song... Love story... Im yours... Gotta be somebody... I shouted as loud as i could... everyone cheered for me... it felt great~

The cake arrive... We sang the birthday song. Lim was forced to pick the candles out from the cake with his mouth... and...... Splat... His face fulled with Chocolate cream... Everyone was laughing... But... I was saying to myself...... Such a waste... everyone began picking the ruined cake... i took a piece myself... taking a bite...... Why... Why is it so soft!!? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ......I continued singing again... Singing without noticing how fast time is passing...

It was night time... We decided to find for a place to hang around... Before we left the room, I pitied the cleaner... The room was in a mess... OMG...

...We walked all the way the the curve(Taxi was too expensive) ...And hanged out at Vivo, a seriously expensive restaurant... And once again... we did something siao again... Dunno who bought the spray, that spray out snow and those stuff de... They spray it all around the store man!!! ......But i join them also lar ...Cant resist the environment and laughter... I stole Wei Chiang one and spray his hair white...... LOL!!!

Without realizing, it was already 11pm... ...And ....Shit ...I totally forgot about my transport home ......And so ...Me and Wei Chiang decided to walk home from The Curve ...One of his friend, (also my friend) said it was too dangerous, so he tried to call his parents to fetch us home. His Sister agreed... We hitch her car, and she drove me back home. I said thank you before leaving, and walk this silent road, back to my home. After that...... I dont remember anymore... When i got to my sensess... It was already next morning...

I was just wondering...

...This blog is called Takasugi No Tabi, That means Takasugi's Journey. But i have been writing more craps then stories of my life. So... Please remind me if i forget again, And See, as i tell you about my journey in life...

Spending time with my new little Gang... Part 1

Friday... I woke up like i usually do... Walk to my toilet like i usually do... scrub my **** like i usually do... Brush my teeth li- bath li- change my clothes li- and finally, Walk downstairs. Its the 4th day im alone in my house... My parents are in Thailand(Not sure is it Thailand...), Hong is learning his NILAI, Han has gone to somewhere far, far away. And im all alone with my useless but cute dog, Jasper. I wear my shoe, and drank my milk(not sure is it expired... Tasted kinda wierd...). Left my house, and walk out from my gate, Walking towards my neighbours house a few blocks away, where she fetches me to school. *Ding Dong* ................ *Ding Dong* ...No one answered ...I waited for a while more, and realised the lights wasnt on. I decided to walk back and pick up my phone... Called her...

Intan: "Hello...?"
Rei: "Aunty Intan... Your not fetching today...?"
Intan: "...Yeah, My son and daughter also not going to school."
Rei: "...Oh Kay..."
Intan: "...Ya"
Rei: "...Okay ...Bye"
Intan: "Bye..."

I put down the phone, *sigh* Here it goes again... My unlucky day...


I walk out of my housing area, down the hill, and waited under the palm tree. Cars passed by, looking at me like an idiot... lol ... It was drizzling a bit... i was a little wet... A bus soon came, i got onto it and stood near the door. It was packed!!!. ...Day dreaming ...day dreaming... It was jam... hearing some retarded malay song... And soon i reached to my stop...... Wat is that area called... i dunno ...its just near my school... So i walk towards my school... It was raining!!! ...Oh yeah, yesterday i just got fever for cycling home from tuition in the rain.


I arrive in school... soaking wet... bags okay though... Moreever... Its already 8.12am... Shit... But good news is, The pengawas are all gone~ ...Walk towards my class ...Few teacher ask me liao, saying "You walked here?" ...I just noded my head and walk past them.


I arrive at my class... Everyone staring at me...
Student 1: "...Wow"
Student2: "You came"

I walk towards my seat... Putting down my bag, looking at my clothes.
Teacher: "Peng Shian, Since you got your PJK clothes, change into it la."
Rei: "...But the rules say you cant wear your PJK clothes in class."
Teacher: "So you rather get a fever in class?"
Rei: "......"

I went to change my clothes... Damn cold... Faster change my clothes...

I went back to class... change clothes liao... Another teacher, my retarded Perdagangan teacher enter the class(I hate her...). She asked me.
Teacher: "Kenapa tukar ke baju PJK anda?"(She's Chinese)
Rei: "...My shirt wet teacher"
Teacher: "How wet is it? Show me"

...I lazily take out my pants ...Droplets of water fell onto the ground...
Teacher: ".........Balik ke tempat"

I push my pants back into the bag, walking back to my place.... And begin my boring class... I hate Perdagangan...


...My class was Rapping my friend in class again... I joined them and hold both of his legs... Lol... i pity him... But the teacher came in liao soon after... Sad case.


PJK time~!!! Basketball~!!! .......But today ...Caught by disiplin teacher for nothing. Must be that retarded Perdagangan teacher!!! ...That Siva keep asking me why come late, i say sit bus come school he dont believe!!! Feel like punching him man!!!


Rehat liao... He finally let me go... I went to the canteen. Edalene not there again... i miss her man!!! T^T ...Oh well ...Just buy a mineral water and sit down... with my "new little gang"~
Last established Last Friday, When we began taking english tuition that my school teacher organized near my house. We will go swimming first. After that, We will Walk to my teachers home(Near my house). ...But today ...We got a new member~ Yat Fai, One of Seng Kar friend, joined our clan.


We ride the bus again, all the way back to my house... I look at those pictures again... Pictures of me with my family in Genting... Me... Hong... Ming Yen... Lydia... Edalene...... Joachim not included... I reach my stop... getting down the bus with my gang... We went back to my house first to get my stuff, and headed of to the swimming pool~

TBC

My Movie is running great~ ......Only with one problem ...Locations

My Script for my Movie, Adapted from the wierd but fun movie "You Dont Mess With The Zohan" Called "You Dont Mess With The (Name Not Confirmed)" is done~ The cast are not set though... The locations? ......Shit ...Will need some thime to deal with that. ...Evertime i read my script ...Ill LOLROFL~!!! ...But some scenes ...I not sure will it be accepted ...Anyway, ill be writing out my script in the blog. But not so soon, still got many things to confirm. Thats all~ Please be waiting~!!!

Apologizing to those who read this Blog... Even Ghosts...

What have gotten into me these days... I totally forgot about my blog!!! I deserve to be punished... *Punching myself* ...Alright, So ill begin writing in my Blog again. There may not be interesting stuff everyday, but please look in daily.

I Dont Know Anymore...

What have i been doing all this time... All i want is more attention from the one's i love... Why couldnt i have just said that... Its because, im a coward, a person who is trying to change but couldnt fully change...

Trying my best is not enough... I must meet more people... Understand them more, and most of all. Be with them when they need me. Gaining their trust, and being together forever.

Its not easy to drop such a feeling... But... I am trying to drop it... But everytime i hear something about her... I will go back to square one... Is what im doing the right thing...? Should i really try to forget... Or go on, with this painful life... The conclusion...

I Dont Know Anymore...

What Have I Been Thinking!!!

What have i been doing? Acting like a F***ing loser. Whats done is done, Why dwell in the past? "Drop The Past, Grasp The Future" A Phrase made by me this year. What happened to it? What happened to that spirit?

I have proven to the school that i Done this Drama, Everyone used to say im just a brat who write novels. For some time now, i wanted to show them, prove to them i was better than them. And i have done it, by showing them i could produce a drama in such a short period of time.

They were all shocked, that 5 Ramin won the competition ...I was also shocked ...And i was really proud of my class. Without their cooperation, i would never have done it, thank you 5 Ramin~

This time, to prove to them again that im an artistic minded person(Those who can really do maths are called Mathematical minded person, Those who draw well, imagine well and think well is called a mathematical minded person. [My own principle that i made] ...If its a person that has good math and art.................. uh........) I am gonna participate in yet another competition, A movie making competition. The details will be written in this blog soon(...Not so soon).

...Just because i couldnt talk to her, just because i couldnt face her... i close my mind and spoil my emotion ...Or is it because im too tired...... Not realising im not the only one... i just realised... You cant wait for things to come, You have to search for it, And never to let it go. During the school holidays, ill try to go her house as often as i can, and live my life, to my very fullest.

Arigato Ne-San... Daisuki Desu... Totemo Daisuki Desu...

...I dont know anymore ...how do i proceed ...I dont know anymore ...All i can do is scream ...Make a joke unwillingly ...Talk to someone when i can ...Do the homework i have ...Punch my hand on the wall until it bleeds ...say hi to anyone i see ...Cook something new ...Stare at the wall ...Regretting the past ...Forcing myself to be myself when im already myself ...Laying on the bed, smacking the bed ...praying to god for my loved ones safety and health ...watering my Basil and Parsley ...feeding my fish ...drinking beer ...closing my eyes, and falling asleep on my office chair...

...Unbelievable

...I thought its over ...I thought it was impossible to win ...and i made a miracle... After thinking my career as a script writer was gone...

I, like usual was the first who enters the class. I place my bag on my table, and lay on it... closing my eyes... Thinking how screwed up my drama would get.. I soon felt asleep... I had a wierd dream...... That i couldnt recall... When i woke up... I was surprised...... They were all practicing... I put on my specs, and watch them rehearse. Each of them done their part... And i was glad. Soon, the bell rang, we head down to the hall, And was expecting to meet other classes. We were the first to arrive, We faced each other and i told everyone

Rei: "look... forget about yesterday... ...From the very beginning, we did not have enough time. But, all we need to is beat Nemesu! Penaga is surely out, They dont even have a script. So... Its "Now Or Never" !!! Lets do this Ramin!!!"
5 Ramin: "Yeah!!!"

I went ahead and test my music, it was fine. And i kept the cd in my bag. The first one acting was 5 Nemesu... I watched it nervously, mumbing to myself words like. "Will it be better than my drama..." "They are a better class than me... Of course They will win my script..."

It soon began... .....................Oh My God ............................Its LAME man!!! What the hell!!! So boring!!! Nothing funny at all!!! Is this what they have to offer!? ...Okay, the ending was a little funny ...but ...just a little... Soon... It was my turn... our turn...

I went backstage for some final opinions, and with one last "good luck" i went into the music room, and begin the music.

It soon ended............................................ With positive results~!!! Everyone in the hall laughed!!! Even the judges!!! My music fitted the scenes perfectly!!! And their acting was really kinda good!!! I was satisfied...... Really satisfied...

It was soon Penaga's turn... I watch them below the stage, having high hopes towards my drama. as expected............ Their drama was broken... Its just simply about a good boy with his friends that take drugs(the most common story). They went into a night club and was caught, because of the good boy. The good boy then freed them(didnt know how they did it) And the boy lectured them........................... BORING!!! We are winning~!!!

We went back to class, and took some photos. I was not among them though... Im just the director... I went back to my table and lay on the table... People began talking if our drama would win. The only flaw in my drama was it was too long(over the 12min timelimit). But some students kept saying that Nemesu was going to win. It really made me sad, the way they said it... Until i felt i was going to cry...

During rehat... I walk to the basketball court like usual... But instead of sitting down... i slept on the seat... closing my eyes... looking at the blue clouds... Thinking... Why did i put so much effort in it for... Not a single person thanked me for completing the script for them... I shut my feelings and tried to sleep... My act-mature friend came to me... hitting my shoulder, calling me up... I asked him to go away... He refused... And i finally asked him to F-Off............... Gomen... He then walk away... I close my eyes again......

Rehat was over... I went back to my class... She was not in the canteen today... Wanted to talk to her today but......... I met my friend from my class(not acting). He........... was the first one who said "good job man" to me... It boosted my spirit a bit... But still.. It wasnt enough......

Time passed by... It soon was English... She asked the one who acted in the drama to stand up... I didnt... I dont know why... I felt that i wasnt in the drama... Although i was the one who wrote it... I continued with my homework... ignoring what was happening...

While she was teaching, news came in... It looks like my class won............. We won....? .............WE WON!!! ...The actors got up from their seat, dancing around... I sat on my seat... Continuing my work... Suddenly.

Pn Tan: "Everyone, please say thank you to our drama script writer, Peng Shian."

I was surprised, Or i think shocked. I faced the class that was facing me.

5 Ramin: "Thank you, Peng Shian~!!!"

I felt that tears fell of my cheek... I got up from my seat... Bowing towards my class... Saying

Rei: "THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"

They all clapped, as i lift my head up again. I never felt that happy in my life before... It was the first time that the whole class were facing me... clapping their hands... That feeling... I will never forget it... It was nothing that i felt before... Glory... Respect... Honor... It was all there...

Pn Tan: "Peng Shian, You really have the potencial to become a script writer(Movie Director). Will you be doing that"

Rei: ...Im not sure ...i have always planned To become a chef..."

Pn Tan: "The judges told me your story was touching although the act was kinda out. They never read such a story before, it was great."

Rei: "Thank You teacher!!!"

And... That is what happen, during my short journey as a Drama script writer... ...I hope i will have another chance to do this drama again... And if i do have a second time... Ill make it perfect!!! ...Lastly ...Arigato Ne-san ...If it wasnt for you... I dont think i could even have finished this script... Arigato... Hontoni Arigato...

The truth is more obvious then it seems...

Reality is not what you really think it is. Its like a game of yes and no, but it isnt as simple as saying yes or no. If you say yes, good things may happen. But at the same time, bad things may also happen. Same goes in saying No, whichever, it is the same thing. It only depends on how you react against it. Think its too hard to understand? then stop reading... It may break your brain... Although human has made many theories to life... God created us... The first human on earth was Adam and.......... Oops... Or its we are just a couple of apes that evolved(That has the best theory) It all comes back to earth. How long more can we live on earth? Will Human leave earth someday? How big is the universe? And the most curios question i wanna know, Is. Is there another universe beside's ours. here's the theory i made. The hidden world, Another world that exists right next to our world, but it can't be seen or feltits akin to a warped extra dimension For example, energy due to gravity is said to transcend through dimensions. Bu- ......Ill stop here for now... continue another day...

Screw That Drama, Hello to Novel~

Bah... Just forget about that drama... I got bigger plans now~ Using the story in my script and making a mini novel~ Ill write down the full script, and maybe one day, someone will use it~

The script i made for my class is too messed up, With really big spoiling changes(Thanks to my class). The Script that i perfectly made has been poluted by my friends that were too chicken, too fussy, and too gay. So... With the Help and comfort from my Ne-San, I decided to create a short story, specially for her and for those who did not watch that(Cheap) drama.

Ill Begin writing it after i have a good rest, and after writing a bit of my other novels.

When your sad... Im sad...

I never believed... That there was such thing as connected hearts... But not anymore... The more of my cared ones feel sad... The more sad i get... I may be a happy go lucky person in school... But at home...

Why isnt there eternal friendship in this world... Im the type that needs to tell somone how i feel... But others may be different... creating a gap between us...

I became a much cheerful person between my classmates... But among the ones i love... I cant get even closer... Is it because im younger than them... Is it because im still cant be trusted... I dont know... I really dont know... Thinking about it makes me wanna cry... But i cant cry...

I try to be as calm as i can outside... But when it comes inside... I know Im but a useless bump that only like people to care for me... And i admit it... Its the truth... I cant do things properly anymore... I cant think straight anymore... I cant...... I just cant...

Friends Reunited

Favourite Song: 町, 時の流れ, 人

Mood: Glad

I thought it would never happened... I never knew it came true... After a year apart... We were finally back together... My friend since form 2, Matthew. He was the brave type, always dares to take challenges. During the end of form 3, we had a ridiculous fight. And ended up hating each other... I met him agian last Sunday... In a CC... We had a conversation, and played some games together... And i left... Monday... While taking my bus home... he took a bus home too... We had a conversation again. And i invited him to swim with me. He accepted it... We had fun swimming... Now when i think back... I kept thinking how stupid i am... to lost him because of such a small argument... i hope our friendship will last... forever...

Valentines Day...

Favourite Song: "町, 時の流れ, 人 / Love story"

Mood: Surprisingly Great~

I ended up not writing in my blog yesterday because of my bloody script, but i have nothing to write about yesterday too though......

Saturday schools...... I wonder should i say its fun or boring. The fun thing is, you can bring your phone, change your places, fool around, and go home early... But the most annoying thing is waking up in the morning... But, thats all. Im trying to never not come to school for this whole semester. I wonder if i can do it...

During my PJK peroid, the teacher held a "Joggat(A kind of training to test your bodies stamina)" Exercise for all of us. I already done it yesterday( Made my whole body pain..) And i was given the permission to rehearse the drama in the hall. almost half of the cast were missing, so i only roughly practice the script.

It all went...... Smoothly... But, lots of shouting, explanation and lecturing were required. And the casts emotions wasnt what i was expecting. So beginning Monday, ill Fully brief their Emotions to really make this drama go right.

After school... I was asked to stay back for Rehearsal in my classroom. Why not, im gonna be sitting the bus back anyway, no rush. But... My phone soon rang, i pick it up... It was my sis... She was outside my school... And wanted to fetch me home.. i panicked, and try to plan ahead for the others that are around.

I left my classroom, running all the way the the backdoor of my school... I never knew i could do that...... seriously... I can only run from the canteen to block A last time, and ill be so damn tired. but now...... I ran from block F to the back of the hall...... Wow... I look around for a while and found the car...... My bro was also inside... I was tricked...

We went to pick up my other sister, and went for lunch. After lunch, i went back home and quickly bathed. Soon i went out again, Heading towards my sisters house... I was pretty blur at first... but i soon know what was going on...

I enter my sisters home... Looking worried... I the greeted her family... sitting on the sofa... I look aver at her from time to time... Worried... I didnt know what can i do... The only thing i could do was sit and wait...... I want to do something... But, i dont know what... Without me realising...... I soon fell asleep...

When i woke up... She was pulling my hair...... I was kinda blur as i face her... She then apologize to me... I accepted it blurly... She went and take her bath... I enter her room... staring at her com... She soon came back... And we went to pick up my sister and head to 1U.

.........My plans were shattered by todays school... i walk around 1U, trying not to think about it... But...... Like a dream... She called my name... I was shocked when i see her...... The first thing that came in my mind was walking towards her and to give her a hug... And so i did... I immediatey felt the warmth... I Still dont know what warmth is that, but one thing i know is, its real.

This could be called one my best day of my whole life, the best valentine ever... i will never forget this day... It showed my how stupid i was, acting emo all the time years ago. I swore to myself ill change. And i Shall!!!

Too Young, Too little time

Favourite Song: 町, 時の流れ, 人
Mood: Better, but still bad.





Nothing much today...... but... At least todays not bad... The whole class is flooding me with questions about the drama. And the only thing i could do was say


Rei: "No comment"


They continued to bug me, and i soon lost my touch.


Rei: "Argh!!! Just wait for tomorrow dammit!!!"

......After that, they finally kept quiet... Only the people who voluntered to be cast's ask about their roles. I hate thursdays...... 1 period maths... 2 period perdagangan... 2 period BM... Its crazy... I gone hyper during rehat and ran towards the basketball court(dispite my leg been a little sting). My Act-Mature friend, Yee Yang was already there, Waiting for me. He thinks he is so mature, but the truth is, he is such a baby, not accepting love, hating his life, and most of all, Thinking himself as a character in some sort of novel he created. What a NO LIFE!!!. His favourite phrase is...


Kosuke(Yee Yang): "This world needs a dragon..."


......Whatever that means, i think he has mental problems...... Another of his famous phrase...


Kosuke: "Ill stay beside Hime(Princess), i wont go for any other girls..."


...It sounded touching at first... but i soon found out, this so called Hime was already dead(Yup, DEAD!!! SHIME!!! R.I.P) ...I suspect he was mentallly ill, but dispite these appearance, he is pretty normal... Is he trying to tell people he wanted to be single...... Forever...?


I cant wait to reach home today, i run instead of walking back home today. i soon reach my house, and ran into my room. Today is the day where i Rip my Exia(From Gundam 00) to pieces~

Before

This is my first exia~ Proud of it... The most cool among all the gundam 00 series..... but Virtue also not bad......

Gundam Virtue

And so... I began ripping my Exia... Rip... Rip... Rip... And the results is........





cool?? or sucks...... i dunno... but in my opinion, its so cool~!!! and im the one who edit it myself~
and i couldnt get enough of it, so i really rip it this time
You should see it for yourself man~





this time...


This time i really rip the head... i feel kinda worried at first..... but in the end... it turned out well~

...Sigh ...homework homework homework...... i guess ill start doing liao...

Someone... Anyone...

Favourite Song today: 町, 時の流れ, 人

Mood: F-up day

I planned to go home after school and have a nap before i study... and ride the bus... and fell asleep... when i woke up, the bus stopped in front of the T-junction before reaching my house. the ticket usher asked me.

Ticket Usher ''mana you henti?''

Rei: ''...petronas''

she gave me back 1 buck, and

Ticket Usher: ''you tunggu satu lagi bus, kita nak pusing ke tropicana''

Rei: ''......''

i got down the bus... the bus drove away and turn towards tropicana... i stare at it for a while, and soon began walking again.

i crossed the T-junction, an asshole horn me for nothing. I point my finger towards him, and continued walking. i walk along the 10 minutes long road, and my way... a row of cars waited for the traffic to turn green. one of the vehicles...... was a police truck, and a police car... I fasten my steps, try to walk pass them...... When...

Police: ''Leng Zai''

Rei: ''!!??''

i face the police men, a little starled... Is he gonna catch me? Or Rasuah me? I told myself... And then..

Police: ''Gong Xi Fa Chai''

Rei: "......Apa??''

Police: "Gong Xi Fa Chai!''

Rei: ''......O-Oh ...Gong Xi Fa Chai...''

The light turned green, and the police truck and car drove off...... ZA DAO!!! Chinese New Year already pass liao la!!! i told myself... I continued walking down the road...

Just when i was about to reach Petronas,

*BEEP!!!*

i look towards my left... It was Bad Spy Han...

Han: ''Come in the car''

Rei: ''...for what''

Han: ''wan kidnap you''

Rei: ''.............''

Han: "just come in la''

Rei: "go where...''

Han "just come in!!!''

Rei: "......''

I finally entered the car, and he drove off.

Rei: "I wan sleep la!!!"

Han: "can you leave the house till 6pm?''

Rei: ".........''

Han: "Please, i need use the house''

Rei: "...For what''

Han: "Novis(his girl friend) coming la"

Rei: "...and ......so?"

Han: "i want to be alone with her la"

Rei: "what does that have to do with me..."

Han: "because its my house"

WHAT THE F***!!! i said in my mind, what does he mean by HIS house!!!

Rei: "Your house my foot''

Han: "please la, just today only"

Rei: "......"

We soon arrive at our location, the Kota Damansara Giant... We found a place to park, and got down the car. I walk ahead of me... He walk towards me and say

Han: "Hey, Can i hold your hand?"

Rei: "..................."

I turn around and face him... I was about to talk and didnt realise the stairs. i tripped and *crack* .......Ouch ...it wasnt the first time i twisted my leg but...... It still hurt... He walk towards me and gave me a hand.

Han: ''you oka-''

I slapped his hand away, glaring at him... I wanted to shout at him........ but i finally didnt...

Rei: ''...im okay''

i got up from the floor, resisting the pain...

Han: ''.....okay''

I leampt towards the entrance... he followed me from behind...

We bought all our stuff... And we headed the back to the car... We enter the car, he place his stuff behind. Facing me.

Han: "Is your leg okay?"

Rei: ''......"

I did not reply... but it was hurting badly... but not as bad as just now...

Han: "...so, drop you at 1U ar?''

Rei: "!?"

I glare at him again... But this time...... i shouted...

Rei: "MY LEG LIKE THIS YOU STILL WANT ME TO GO!!?"

Han: "sorry! its a very important day!!! please?''

I kept my feelings to myself, forcing the car door open.

Rei: "ILL GO MYSELF!!!"

I slam the door shut, and began to walk(leampt) towards the main road. He drove pass me without even looking at me... I clench my fist... and continued walking down the long road...

I managed to arrive at cineleisure... i walk towards the coffee shop, sitting on the chair...

waiter: "may i take your order?"

Rei: "...Coffee''

he walked away, some people were staring at me... I took out my drama script, and began examining it. My coffee soon came, i took a sip from it, and continued to look.

30 minutes has passed, ive finished my coffee. i kept my stuff and got up from my seat. at least it doesnt hurt that bad anymore. i paid my bil, and began to visit my favourite shops in cineleisure.

I arrive home at 6pm, on my way back, near petronas, my mom saw me. she stopped her car and honk at me, calling me to come over.

i enter the car, and the first thing she said was

Mom: "WHERE DID YOU GO!!! I TOLD YOU YOU CANT GO OUT DURING

WEEKENDS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! *blah blah blah*

i did not listen what she was saying, all i think was having a good nap, so that i can do my homework. And so i did. I woke up at 9.30pm, and began my homework. Han came in my room, i ignored him. And he left the room without another call.

I dont want to think anymore... all i want now is for tomorrow... hoping for a better tomorrow... hoping for someone who i can talk to... ill wait for that day to come...

Another Day In School...

My Favourite song today... "町, 時の流れ, 人(Clannad OST)
Mood: Bad

...When i came to school, the first thing that my classmate asked me was.

Student A: ''Did you finish the script?''

Rei: ''well... yeah...''

Student A: ''great, can i read it?''

Rei: ''sure...''

i took it out and show it to him...

Student A ''wow, not bad. as expected from a novelist.''

Rei: ''A... thanks...''

Student A: ''But isnt it too short?''

Rei: ''its just a conclusion, what do you expect.''

Student A: ''Oh... Well good luck''

He pass it back to me. I took it back, looking at it. I walk towards my seat and sat on it...

Rei:''......Tired''

I lay on my desk, immediately falling asleep... 20min later, P&P began, i got up lazily and walk out of my classroom.

Student B: ''Peng S****, you finish the script?''

Rei: ''Yeah...''

Student B: "Can i read?''

Rei: "Later..."

I enter my class, passing the script(Conclusion) to him.

Student B: ''Hm? not bad... Remember ar, i wanna be the drug addict.''

Rei: ''......What?''

He gave me the script, walking away. I stare at the script again, and began feeling sleepy again... Only got 3 hours of sleep last night......

After school... I went to wait for the bus like usual... I stare at my bag, looking at how nice it is~ without me realising, the bus arrive. The guy beside me stood up, i scrambled and took my stuff, running towards the metrobus.

I reached home... Han was on the com again... i went in my room and start my homework...... bath first la of course... no appetite to eat dunno why... drink green tea only... then Han came into my room and ask me again...

Han The Spy: "Wan go 1U?''

Rei: "NOOOOOO!!!''

Han The Stalker: "......"

He close my room door, and i continue with my homework... A minute later...

Han The Imposter: ''Really duwan go?''

I got up of my chair, glaring at him. He close the door, i sat again... i dont know hw many hours has passed... but the sun began to set... i walk towards my bed and took a nap... thinking... my mood today hasnt changed since a few days ago... I still feel im useless... not capable on doing anything...

when i got up...... I finally knew the reason why we were so distant... It was because... I never really knew her... No matter how i twist and turn... It still turns back to the same person... Hong... If it wasnt for hong... I would have never met her... If it wasnt for Hong... I would have never knew Ming Yen and Lydia... It was a fact that i couldnt accept... it was a fact...... that Hong is better than me...

Too Much Work To Even Begin With...

I actually planned to begin my blog a few days before... But homework has been building a blockage, consuming my time. i was doing my homework last night and before i realised it, it was already 5am... and my mountain was only half done....... i put it to rest and went to bed... thinking of what han told me yesterday... but i placed it to rest, and finally fell asleep...

The next morning, i woke up at 9am to follow my mom to the market... as boring as ever... but it is the only time where we can go out together, and i tried to fullfill her needs as much as i can.

In the afternoon, i had to go to 1U with my friend to pick his present, and for other reasons. I fell asleep on the bus, luckily he was there to wake me up. I had a few things on my buying list, and was hoping to fullfill it. soon enough, i found my first item on my list, a baking tray.

Next, pilot refill. it wasnt easy to find what i wanted, there were just too many. but soon, i picked a few and went ahead to the counter...... On my way there... There it was... An office bag......... I always wanted one, and bloody hell! it was only RM25!!! without thinking, i picked it up and examined it. It was fabulous~ (singing ''Fabulous'') fine design, many places to put stuff, and most of all, its cheap~ my friend also pick one(his wei chiang). and we walk to the cashier together.

It was soon my turn, i pass my stuff to the cashier. and he scanned the items. i began to chat about how cheap was the office bag. a while later, the cashier called for me ''Enam Puluh Enam Ringgit, Enam Puluh Lima sen'' ........I straight away

''WHAT!!?'' i look at the items again...
''tapi itu bag tulis 25 ringgit''

he pull out the tag and show me........... it was really RM55.........

''......boleh cancel tak?''
...he cancelled the stuff and i bring the stuff back to the office bag section.
''What The F***!? So expensive de!?''

wei chiang replied

''ya lo!!!''

we went over and check the bag price again......... it wrote there 25.........

''.......''
''..........''
...we pick it up again, and double check the price tag...
''okay?''
''Okay''

we went towards the cashier again, linning up again......(the line was pretty long) ...and soon, it was our turn... The guy scan the stuff again, with me staring at it. and this time, it was 25...... but...

''ada J-card tak?''
''ada''
''Boleh tengok coupon anda?''
''......coupon?''
''ya, hari ini J-card member boleh daat coupon 15%.''
''...........''
''...........''
''...boleh cancel tak...?''

We search for THAT counter for a while and soon found it...... at the place where you register or renew your j-card... the line was.......... Loooooooong... but we still waited..... for the 15% discount!!!

after a while... it was finally our turn...... we sat on the chair and face the receptionist.

''kami nak dapat coupon discount itu?''
''oh? coupon discount 15%?''
''ya''
''kau harus pergi kaunter itu dan memberi j-card anda''
............she pointed behind us... ...we looked behind, and ther it was...... a small

counter with a lady sitting on a chair...

''....................''
''....................''
...i got up and walked off towards the SO CALLED counter.

''...di sinikah kau dapat coupon itu.....''
''ya''
''.........''
''j-card ada''
i pull out my j-card... tossing it at her... she took it and wrote down my membership number... she then pass me the coupon...
''thank you''
i took the coupon and walk toward the cashier again... and waited in the loooooong line again...

''j-card ada?''
''ya......''
''coupon ada?''
''ya......''
''duit ada?''
i stare at the guy... raising my money... he stare at me for a while, but finally took it... i took my stuff and the change and walk towards my next destination.

new bag......... i decided to buy a new bag, since hong STOLED mine... i went to a number of shops looking for a nice one... but all of them were like rubbish...
''ei, we go Padini for a while'' my friend ask
''......okay''
we then walk towards padini......... he went to do his stuff...... and in front of me....... was it..... a bag like none i have ever seen...(a ray of light shone down) ...i straight away shouted.
''THATS THE ONE!!"
......everyone was staring at me... ...i stare at them... they look away...... i face the bag again... picking it up...
''.....wow''
wei chiang walk towards me...
''...wats your problem''
''THIS IS IT!!! THIS IS THE BAG~!!!''
''SHH!!!''
......i went silent
''...okay, then buy it lo...''
and so i did...

...i miss her ...i miss her everyday... but... i dont know how to approach her... there is a wall between us... that i dont know how to cross... Is this the only thing i can do...? stand and wait...?